Airport Screening

I've traveled a lot since 2001. I'd say probably 500,000 miles. That means I've been through airport security lines hundreds of times since they were enhanced after the tragedy that was 9/11. I've been poked and prodded, x-rayed, wanded, felt up and patted down. I'm sure this added focus has been a deterent to many of the nut jobs out there looking to make a name for their insane cause.

All that aside, I wanted to share two stories with you. One was recent, the other about 2 years ago.

First the old one. I was flying from DC to Atlanta for a meeting. I always travel with my laptop, so I knew the drill. Get in the security line, shove everything from my pockets into my laptop bag, take the laptop out of the bag, take my shoes off and throw all of the stuff into a variety of bins for the trip thru the magical x-ray machine. I followed my usual routine, went thru the metal detector and had to walk back through it because my watch set it off. I finally made it to my stuff, grabbed my laptop and hustled off to my gate. Turned out they'd moved the gate between the time I checked in and the time I got to the original gate, so off I sped to the dreaded G terminal at Dulles. The G terminal sucks mainly because it's crowded and has really shitty amenities. But I digress.

Once aboard my flight, I quickly turned my attention to some reading. Normally I'd be polishing up my presentation, but I'd already finalized it and didn't want to waste anymore time on it. Arrived at my hotel and unpacked. For once I didn't even bother to check e-mail. Next day I showed up early to the office and unpacked. At first glance the laptop looked a little different. The latch to open the screen had magically moved from the right to the left side. Hmm, I thought, that is bizarre. It then dawned on me that this was not my laptop. Uh oh! I flipped it over, looking for any identifying marks. Nope, my company asset tag was no where to be found. However, there was a tag that showed it belonged to someone in Singapore!

So where the hell was my computer? I quickly e-mailed the address on the tag, not sure if it was current. At the same time, my phone rang and I heard my assistant's voice on the other end. She said "There is some guy on the phone speaking in Chinese asking if I had his laptop." Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!

Turns out this guy was a government official from Singapore. He had been in Washington for meetings before flying onto Canada for additional meetings. The funny part? He worked in transportation security! So here I was, holding onto a laptop that may have had some really juicy stuff on it, and he had mine, which frankly had nothing really useful on it - unless you count my tax returns.

Getting the laptops exchanged was no easy task. We both had to ship them across borders, which makes for a major pain in the rump. In the end, we both got our laptops back and moved on with our careers. I'm sure he was caned once he got home.

Oh, and that laptop? It was stolen out of my office about two months later.

Now for the more recent experience. This time I was in Nashville flying home. Same routine, but now you also have to pack your liquids in tiny containers and then shove them in a quart-sized bag. One quart. Period. Pretty sure there isn't any scientific basis for this quart rule, but who am I to question the wisdom of the powers that be. This time I get thru the detector unscathed. Go to grab my stuff and no quart-sized bag. Vanished.

Where in the hell did it go? It was out of my sight for about 20 seconds. Clearly the guy in front of me either took or the x-ray machine ate it. I asked the TSA official manning the end of the line, and he just said: "You can file a report over there." Wow, thanks for nothing! I'm glad his alert eyes were on the look out for something else other than people walking off with shit that wasn't theirs. Next time they ask me to put my overpriced watch through, I will politely decline. So besides losing some rather expensive medicine, no huge loss. Best part? I got home and discovered I'd left my contact lense solution in my bag and the screener never saw it!

Moral of the stories? Travel light and never let your laptop out of your sight!