Italy: A Solo Tour

I just returned from another trip to Italy. This time I went by myself, as it is getting impossible to find friends who can get the time off or that I can tolerate on a trip. I'll fill in the details over the next few days, but suffice it say the trip was good fun.

Italy is overhyped as a tourist destination for Americans. Whether it's people who read some book about the Tuscan sun, have some Italian blood, or simply want to see the history of western civilization, Italy gets inundated by scores of crazed Americans every year. This trip was all about avoiding those people.

My plan: pack light and hit spots I'd never been to before. Since I'd been to Milan, Rome, Florence, Tuscany, Venice, Sicily, Capri and Amalfi, that wasn't going to be easy. I booked a roundtrip ticket to Rome, packed up a bag, and off I went.

The good news is that I'm writing this post-trip, so you know I survived my loosely planned journey. The bad news? Well there really isn't any to report here. But some funny stories that some might consider bad. Check back and I'll share them with you.

Ciao.

Common Sense and Lost Luggage

Today's Washington Post had a front page article on the increase in complaints about lost or delayed baggage on U.S. carriers. The usual excuses were given by the industry: weather, smaller planes, short connections, etc. They left out, but the reporter added in, the issue of bag theft.

Seems moronic that TSA does such a good job screening all of us and our bags before the bags (and our bodies) become the custodial property of the airlines, yet the airport employees seem to be able to ripoff so much stuff right from under their noses!

The article included a story about some really stupid woman who had checked a bag with $18,000 (yes, 18 THOUSAND DOLLARS) worth of jewelry. The bag went to Canada instead of Dulles, but she was lucky and got them back, jewelry included. First off, anyone who checks valuables is a moron. Second, why in the hell are you bringing that much bling on a trip? Yes, we all know you have lovely taste in diamonds and such, but leave them at home. Reminds me of tourists who visit developing countries loaded down with items that make them both shameless show offs as well as easy targets for theft.

Here are a few tips: 1) Leave the expensive stuff at home - if you have to bring it, carry it with you!; 2) NEVER check electronics in your suitcase; and 3) stop packing so much crap! Turns out they sell just about everything you'll ever need in most major cities in the world.

Save yourself the headaches and just pack light.

Oh the Irony!

Today I finally went to get my Indian visa renewed. Got all the paperwork together and hoofed it over to the consulate here in DC.

Turns out they've decided to outsource the visa process to a private company! So the country that is absorbing a large amount of outsourced work from the U.S. had decided to follow the model and outsource a key function of their own!
I'm sure the poor woman who mans the visa desk is happy. I just wonder if she'll still have a job next week.

Airport Screening

I've traveled a lot since 2001. I'd say probably 500,000 miles. That means I've been through airport security lines hundreds of times since they were enhanced after the tragedy that was 9/11. I've been poked and prodded, x-rayed, wanded, felt up and patted down. I'm sure this added focus has been a deterent to many of the nut jobs out there looking to make a name for their insane cause.

All that aside, I wanted to share two stories with you. One was recent, the other about 2 years ago.

First the old one. I was flying from DC to Atlanta for a meeting. I always travel with my laptop, so I knew the drill. Get in the security line, shove everything from my pockets into my laptop bag, take the laptop out of the bag, take my shoes off and throw all of the stuff into a variety of bins for the trip thru the magical x-ray machine. I followed my usual routine, went thru the metal detector and had to walk back through it because my watch set it off. I finally made it to my stuff, grabbed my laptop and hustled off to my gate. Turned out they'd moved the gate between the time I checked in and the time I got to the original gate, so off I sped to the dreaded G terminal at Dulles. The G terminal sucks mainly because it's crowded and has really shitty amenities. But I digress.

Once aboard my flight, I quickly turned my attention to some reading. Normally I'd be polishing up my presentation, but I'd already finalized it and didn't want to waste anymore time on it. Arrived at my hotel and unpacked. For once I didn't even bother to check e-mail. Next day I showed up early to the office and unpacked. At first glance the laptop looked a little different. The latch to open the screen had magically moved from the right to the left side. Hmm, I thought, that is bizarre. It then dawned on me that this was not my laptop. Uh oh! I flipped it over, looking for any identifying marks. Nope, my company asset tag was no where to be found. However, there was a tag that showed it belonged to someone in Singapore!

So where the hell was my computer? I quickly e-mailed the address on the tag, not sure if it was current. At the same time, my phone rang and I heard my assistant's voice on the other end. She said "There is some guy on the phone speaking in Chinese asking if I had his laptop." Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!

Turns out this guy was a government official from Singapore. He had been in Washington for meetings before flying onto Canada for additional meetings. The funny part? He worked in transportation security! So here I was, holding onto a laptop that may have had some really juicy stuff on it, and he had mine, which frankly had nothing really useful on it - unless you count my tax returns.

Getting the laptops exchanged was no easy task. We both had to ship them across borders, which makes for a major pain in the rump. In the end, we both got our laptops back and moved on with our careers. I'm sure he was caned once he got home.

Oh, and that laptop? It was stolen out of my office about two months later.

Now for the more recent experience. This time I was in Nashville flying home. Same routine, but now you also have to pack your liquids in tiny containers and then shove them in a quart-sized bag. One quart. Period. Pretty sure there isn't any scientific basis for this quart rule, but who am I to question the wisdom of the powers that be. This time I get thru the detector unscathed. Go to grab my stuff and no quart-sized bag. Vanished.

Where in the hell did it go? It was out of my sight for about 20 seconds. Clearly the guy in front of me either took or the x-ray machine ate it. I asked the TSA official manning the end of the line, and he just said: "You can file a report over there." Wow, thanks for nothing! I'm glad his alert eyes were on the look out for something else other than people walking off with shit that wasn't theirs. Next time they ask me to put my overpriced watch through, I will politely decline. So besides losing some rather expensive medicine, no huge loss. Best part? I got home and discovered I'd left my contact lense solution in my bag and the screener never saw it!

Moral of the stories? Travel light and never let your laptop out of your sight!

A Day at an Indian Zoo: White Tigers, Hungry Elephants and Begging Bears

Ok, it's been far too long. I've been back from India since March 1st and I'm now just getting around to downloading pictures.



On one of my last weekends in Hyderabad, I decided to see some new sights. I'd heard the Hyderabad Zoo was worth a visit, so I told my driver that we'd be going to the zoo over the weekend. He looked at me like I was a nut, but agreed to pick me up in the morning.



The zoo was supposed to be nearby, but like all things in India, it wasn't quite that easy. After about an hour in the car, we finally came upon a parking lot full of vendors, cars and people waiting in the ticket line. We went to check on prices and I quickly decided to splurge and pay for the right to drive my car into the zoo. Not into the parking lot, but literally INTO the zoo. Now it's not quite like Lion Country Safari, but you do get to drive around the exhibits and avoid some of the heat. I also liked the idea that I could escape into a car in the event an animal escaped from the cages.



I really only wanted to see one thing: the white tigers and their cubs who call the zoo home. The zoo has a pair of white tigers who had recently produced four white cubs. They weren't on display when we got there, but the zoo keeper quickly made arrangements (for a small fee) for me to go into the back of the cages and visit their home. The lovely tiger pictured above was the mom. She wasn't happy that I was there and made it known that if it was up to her, she'd feed me to her cubs. Always having a plan, I'd already scoped out the zoo keeper and knew I could easily outrun him. So I was safe for now.



Next stop was the little house where a few male tigers were snoozing away in their cages. The white tiger dad was napping and didn't seem fazed by my presence. The other tiger certainly did mind. The zoo keeper was also taunting the poor fellow, so I could see why he was annoyed. This fine fellow would have gladly ripped my arm off for a snack. Lucky for me I can still run and would have offered up the zoo keeper as a substitute.


I know some people find the idea of a zoo to be cruel and all, but I can say that in India it's far better for these tigers to be here. They face an almost certain death at the hands of poachers in the wild. The poachers are feeding a never ending demand for such delicacies as Tiger Penis Soup from the booming Chinese mainland. Maybe they should just change the name of Viagra to Tiagra and tell them it's the same thing. Honestly, poaching and encroaching settlements are the two biggest threats facing both tigers and elephants in India today. Hopefully more people realize what amazing creatures they are and step up protections.



The rest of the day was spent looking at various birds and animals and also enjoying a home cooked meal. The meal was prepared by the wife of my driver. I was incredibly thankful for it, as they probably spent a good part of their food budget on me. It was a delicious combo of mutton and chicken curries, homemade dal and rice. We ate it standing at the back of the car while the locals passed by and stared at me. I'm sure they were laughing at seeing me eat curry and rice with my hand.

Here are a few more pictures to admire. The bear pictured here had a great dance move and was the world's most effective beggar. He just stood up and people threw him food. Of course you're not supposed to feed them, but nobody seemed to follow any of the posted signs.







This was my favorite sign in all of India. I thought "Wow, finally I can see something good!" Turned out to only be a wild ass, or jackass or donkey or something that looked kind of like a horse.







And lastly, my favorite site was this guy. He just stood there and put his trunk out to collect sweets from his adoring fans. I was waiting to see if he'd snatch one of the people and drag them off to his cave, but apparently this was a friendly Asian Elephant. Of course, elephants aren't hostile creatures by nature. But they have been known to get pissed off and bust up a village here and there. There was a story in the local paper about one such irate elephant. I forget his name, but basically he killed a number of villagers and was a general terror to the countryside. As to be expected, the government killed an elephant and said the problem was solved (never mind the fact that they killed the wrong elephant). Well then the elephant gang decided "Fuck that" and exacted their revenge. I'm not making this up. A herd of elephants then visited a nearby village and destroyed it. Yes, destroyed it out of revenge. And who says elephants aren't smart?

Valentine's Day in India

Yes, that crass, overly commercialized "holiday" has infiltrated India. And it's just as bad here as it is in the U.S.

I'm not against romance at all, just the idea that on this one day you're supposed buy "stuff" for your loved one at prices 3 to 4 times the normal prices (e.g. roses).

Several people wished me a happy valentine's day, not something you do in the U.S. after the age of 10 or 11. Even the male bartender at my hotel said it. I thought, how odd coming from a bartender. Of course the kindness expressed from such a greeting is always appreciated, it's just different.

I also noticed a young lady at the coffee stand in our office lobby. She had five individually wrapped red roses. I asked her if they were for Valentine's Day (I know, stupid question) and she said yes. She'd bought them for her friends, as none of them had boyfriends and she wanted them to feel special. Her actions summed up the real meaning of any of these "holidays" - that is small gestures to friends mean a lot.

Reminds of another "holiday" they have here - Friends Day. I think I wrote about it last year, but it's really lame. One day a year you're supposed to buy gifts for your friends and call them and say "Happy Friend's Day!" Rubbish. I was in the car with a local friend when his cell rang. He answered and said "Yeah, you too. Uh huh. Bye." I asked who it was and he said it was someone he barely knew, calling him to wish him the aforementioned greeting. He said what I was thinking - that if someone is really your friend, shouldn't you show that appreciation all year long?

Much like if you love someone, shouldn't that be expressed every day?

Under the Mango Tree

More about the title in a minute.

As I usually do, I procrastinated some key errands until the day of my departure from home. Packing done? With an hour to spare. Medications? Oops, stopped on the way to the airport for the prescription to keep me free from malaria. Laundry? Planned ahead and did that over the weekend. Haircut? Uh, last trip I managed to sneak it in on departure day. This time I ran out of time. So off I went, scraggly longish hair and all.

After checking into the hotel and being greeted with "Hello Mr. Sean, you need a haircut." I realized it was perhaps overdue. Then I went to my office and was greeted by the exact same comments, except I heard it from 15 people. "You look older" or "Did you gain weight?" or "Are you well?" Seriously, one of the many things I love about this country is the directness on some topics. Of course I'm also frustrated to no end when the same directness is not used in some aspects of our work. But that is for another time.

Ok, now about the title. As should be expected in India, barbershops come in many forms. The most common is literally the UMT - a guy with a chair, scissors and a mirror nailed to, you guessed it, a mango tree. So when I asked the guys at the office where to get a haircut, the first response was: "You want a UMT?" I said no, I'll take my chances with an enclosed, air conditioned shop.

The hotel recommended a "salon" which was just a decent looking barber shop. The barber spoke about three words of English: short, medium, and shave. I opted for the medium and it turned out as I should have expected: horrible! I guess he'd never cut curly hair and he managed to make one side burn thinner than the other.

Oh well, at least the hotel manager complimented me and said "You look much better, like the old Mr. Sean."

Locked In An Indian...

Bathroom stall!!

You thought I was going to say jail? Didn't you? I'm all about avoiding any contact with law enforcement on my trips, and this one is no exception. Although I probably could have used the Loo Patrol for this scenario.

No this event was pure humor. At least to me. I found myself in the facilities today at the office. They are basically like small rooms with an opening about 8 feet up and a 6 inch opening on the bottom.

I locked the door and when I went to open it, the door wouldn't open! The lock appeared to be unlocked, but the door wasn't budging. I thought, oh just great. I'm going to be late for a meeting because I'm trapped in the can!

I was finally able to get the attention of the non-English speaking bathroom attendant who tried to open the door in the same manner as I had just tried. Not wanting to offend the poor guy, I let him try anyway. After about five minutes of him dismantling the lock and consulting with the now growing contingent of the Indian Bathroom Attendants Union, Local 438, I finally took matters into my own hands.

Up I went over the 8 foot wall and swung down like a monkey off a branch and landed gracefully on the ground, with my arms raised just like the Olympics. I awaited the judges score for my dismount, but was only greeted by five, very small, smiling Indians. Clearly the humor wasn't lost on them, even with the language barrier. I took a bow and immediatly left the premises, but did stop to wash my hands to set a proper example.

I'm glad I can provide humor to someone who doesn't speak the same language. And I'm sure they'll be sharing the story at their next get together.

Back in India: Traffic and Pollution Are My Friends

Ok, I've actually been back here since February 6th but just haven't had time to write. So I'll add a few entries for this trip and will add some photos as soon as I get home. Yes, I forgot the cable to download my pictures.

First off, I am always surprised to see what changes have taken place here in Hyderabad during my time at home. These truly are the boom times for this city, so there appears to be constant construction and demolition.

One major project that has been moving along at a snails pace is the construction of a series of what they call "flyovers" and we'd call overpasses. The roads here are seriously congested and there is only so much road widening that can happen in a built out area. So they're simply going up and adding expressways to pull cars out of the congested intersections. Noble goal, but the execution seems lacking. I'm also not so sure I trust the way they're pouring the concrete supports - literally with buckets, one at a time.

One thing that hasn't changed: traffic. From the moment you exit the airport, the horns start. And the commute to the office can take upwards of 60 minutes. Kind of makes me homesick for the traffic of LA. And the traffic isn't going to get any better. It seems the one manufacturing sector India is intent on overdeveloping is the automobile. With the rising buying power of the middle class, auto sales are growing at huge rates. So it's making the traffic worse - as cars replace 2 wheelers - and making the threat of pollution (in an already polluted place) even bigger.

And for you hardcore enviros, how come India is exempt from most of the Kyoto agreements?

Off and Running in 2007

Just about the time I was nice and settled back home, I once again had to venture out again.

Nothing too exciting, just some mundane work trips to Cleveland and Dallas.

First Cleveland. If you haven't been, I don't recommend visiting in January. It's very cold and a bit desolate. But the people in Cleveland are always friendly and you can't complain about the food. You can complain about the weather, but everyone does, so why bother.

Dallas is also a tricky place to visit. I had the misfortune of flying there twice within a week. Painful. I also learned (the hard way) that if your meeting is in Irving, you shouldn't stay downtown. Especially the night before the NHL All Star game! My observations about Dallas? I don't think there was much in the way of urban planning or road planning. Both of the Westin's there suck, as does the airport. And forget leaving on time if there is any sort of ice or snow. My plane sat on the runway for three hours waiting to be deiced before our pilot got someone to come out and physically inspect the plane (there was no ice).

I'm not complaining - it's really enjoyable visiting new and old places, even if they're in Texas.

2006: A Year In Review

Now that 2006 is fading into recent memory, I put some thought to my travel adventures and misadventures during the year.

By my own estimate I logged about 140,000 miles in the air on a variety of airlines in 2006. Mostly United and Lufthansa, but also American, Delta, US Air, Continental, LAN Peru, Kingfisher, Jet Airways, Air Deccan (the worst airline in the world) and Paramount Air. I spent lots of time in India, side trips to Thailand (twice) and Singapore. Also spent three weeks in Italy and a few days visiting Machu Pichu in Peru (thanks to a few extra days off from my firm!).

I also continued my US travels for work and fun, making trips to NYC to visit with my brother and his wife; Miami and the Keys; Las Vegas for the first weekend of March Madness; Indianapolis for the NCAA Final Four; Chicago and South Bend for the UCLA-Notre Dame game; Las Vegas again for a work conference (yes, it was work!); several trips back home to LA for high school reunions, family gatherings and Christmas; Chicago, Atlanta and Cleveland for work; plus a few other random trips I'm forgetting. All in all I spent about as many night sleeping in hotels or in my little brother's house as I did in my actual bed! Yikes!

And although I have a nice new kitchen back in DC, I probably ate at least 400 meals in restaurants. Surprisingly I also managed to lose weight. Thank god for Indian food and food poisoning!

What does 2007 look like? It's already looking to be as busy as 2006. Work trips in January to Cleveland, Dallas and Nashville; another month long trip to India, followed by 3-4 more trips over the course of the year. And I haven't even begun to plan vacations.

Hope you all have a great 2007 and remember you now have to have a passport to travel anywhere outside of the US. So get off your ass and go get one!

Happy travels.