Crashing an Arranged Marriage Meeting

A few weeks back, while I was in Kolkata, I had the chance to observe the first meeting between a future bride and groom. This is my story.

Sitting around the hotel lobby on a Sunday, I am positive I witnessed the awkward moment of a couple meeting for the first time for an arranged marriage. Both were young, she was pretty, he looked awkward, and they both looked nervous as hell. The bride's family had entered the lobby and sat directly behind me. I saw another family enter the front door and the fathers signaled to each other. The groom's (or do I call him the bachelor?) family strolled in, and included his parents, a brother or two and a grandmother. They made the introductions and
I tried to listen in without appearing obvious (I failed, the brides father clearly scowled at me).

As they walked off to have lunch together, the groom-to-be was walking about five steps in front of her. I thought to myself, if any of us had done that on a first date, we’d surely never have seen her again!

We in the west often scoff at the idea of an arranged marriage. Hell, I'm sure many of my friends and family would have loved to have married me off 20 years ago. I have to say, after meeting so many friends here, that the practice seems to work for most here. There are more and more "love" marriages, which also carry potential problems for the couple. Mixed marriages (religion, but rarely caste) are also more and more common.

I also learned a bit about dowry's - which are illegal now in India. With Hindu's, the bride's family gives "gifts" to the groom's family; with Muslim's, the groom's family gives gold to the bride's family; and Christians don't have to give anything. Not sure what you do if you're Jewish.

My favorite section of the newspaper here, besides the Society page, is the Matrimonials. These are classified ads placed by the families to advertise the son/daughter they are looking to marry off. They can be amusing to an outsider, but are filled with details to encourage prospective "alliances." Yes, alliance is used often. It shows that marriage here really is about the interests of two families, not just two people. I'll copy a few of my favorites onto another post.

And for those of you who joked about me coming home with an Indian wife, sorry to disappoint you. Although it might be funny to write my own ad and see if they'll publish it.