Nollaig Shona agus
Athbhliain faoi Mhaise Daoibh!
Monday, December 25, 2006
Friday, December 08, 2006
Crashing an Arranged Marriage Meeting
A few weeks back, while I was in Kolkata, I had the chance to observe the first meeting between a future bride and groom. This is my story.
Sitting around the hotel lobby on a Sunday, I am positive I witnessed the awkward moment of a couple meeting for the first time for an arranged marriage. Both were young, she was pretty, he looked awkward, and they both looked nervous as hell. The bride's family had entered the lobby and sat directly behind me. I saw another family enter the front door and the fathers signaled to each other. The groom's (or do I call him the bachelor?) family strolled in, and included his parents, a brother or two and a grandmother. They made the introductions and
I tried to listen in without appearing obvious (I failed, the brides father clearly scowled at me).
As they walked off to have lunch together, the groom-to-be was walking about five steps in front of her. I thought to myself, if any of us had done that on a first date, we’d surely never have seen her again!
We in the west often scoff at the idea of an arranged marriage. Hell, I'm sure many of my friends and family would have loved to have married me off 20 years ago. I have to say, after meeting so many friends here, that the practice seems to work for most here. There are more and more "love" marriages, which also carry potential problems for the couple. Mixed marriages (religion, but rarely caste) are also more and more common.
I also learned a bit about dowry's - which are illegal now in India. With Hindu's, the bride's family gives "gifts" to the groom's family; with Muslim's, the groom's family gives gold to the bride's family; and Christians don't have to give anything. Not sure what you do if you're Jewish.
My favorite section of the newspaper here, besides the Society page, is the Matrimonials. These are classified ads placed by the families to advertise the son/daughter they are looking to marry off. They can be amusing to an outsider, but are filled with details to encourage prospective "alliances." Yes, alliance is used often. It shows that marriage here really is about the interests of two families, not just two people. I'll copy a few of my favorites onto another post.
And for those of you who joked about me coming home with an Indian wife, sorry to disappoint you. Although it might be funny to write my own ad and see if they'll publish it.
Sitting around the hotel lobby on a Sunday, I am positive I witnessed the awkward moment of a couple meeting for the first time for an arranged marriage. Both were young, she was pretty, he looked awkward, and they both looked nervous as hell. The bride's family had entered the lobby and sat directly behind me. I saw another family enter the front door and the fathers signaled to each other. The groom's (or do I call him the bachelor?) family strolled in, and included his parents, a brother or two and a grandmother. They made the introductions and
I tried to listen in without appearing obvious (I failed, the brides father clearly scowled at me).
As they walked off to have lunch together, the groom-to-be was walking about five steps in front of her. I thought to myself, if any of us had done that on a first date, we’d surely never have seen her again!
We in the west often scoff at the idea of an arranged marriage. Hell, I'm sure many of my friends and family would have loved to have married me off 20 years ago. I have to say, after meeting so many friends here, that the practice seems to work for most here. There are more and more "love" marriages, which also carry potential problems for the couple. Mixed marriages (religion, but rarely caste) are also more and more common.
I also learned a bit about dowry's - which are illegal now in India. With Hindu's, the bride's family gives "gifts" to the groom's family; with Muslim's, the groom's family gives gold to the bride's family; and Christians don't have to give anything. Not sure what you do if you're Jewish.
My favorite section of the newspaper here, besides the Society page, is the Matrimonials. These are classified ads placed by the families to advertise the son/daughter they are looking to marry off. They can be amusing to an outsider, but are filled with details to encourage prospective "alliances." Yes, alliance is used often. It shows that marriage here really is about the interests of two families, not just two people. I'll copy a few of my favorites onto another post.
And for those of you who joked about me coming home with an Indian wife, sorry to disappoint you. Although it might be funny to write my own ad and see if they'll publish it.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Death On A Goan Highway
WARNING: Don't read this if you expect a happy, jolly post. It isn't. This post is about something tragic that I had the misfortune of stumbling upon. So if you're squemish, please just close the window.
After that great Thanksgiving dinner I told you about, I hired a taxi to take me from Baga Beach to my hotel in Tanjim. My driver was a very nice young guy who quickly zipped us off towards my destination. The taxi's in Goa include these very tiny little vans (think clown van), as well as the usual SUV and Auto-rickshaws. Many other tourists simply rent scooters or mopeds and drive themselves. As we were flying along the roads, he was playing me some Hindi music that had quite a beat to it. We were talking about random things and I was trying to find a seat belt. There were none. So I was sitting low, kind of hoping he'd slow down, but also aware that the roads were empty.
An SUV taxi overtook and passed us. He was clearly in a bigger hurry than we were. He continued on the right (wrong) side to pass some cows who were out for a late night jog. My driver said it's common to kind of "draft" off the cows because they usually just run straight and it's safer. We cleared the cows too, and I thought to myself "Those are some damned fit cows!"
About two minutes later I heard a very short screech and a load bang. I couldn't tell if it was in front or behind me, but I did notice we were stopping VERY quickly and that the SUV was now stopped in front of us. As we swerved around it, I looked to my left and saw a scooter down in front of the SUV and two guys laying on the ground. I told my driver to stop so I could see if I could help in anyway. My first aid and CPR skills are a bit rusty, but I figured they were better than nothing.
I jumped out and ran back and saw the driver of the scooter on the ground. He was wearing sunglasses and had on his cell phone ear piece. His right arm was raised above his head and he was clearly dead. The SUV driver was out and screaming about how they had been on the wrong side of the road and he had no chance. The scooter passenger was moaning, but not moving. Their friends, who'd been in front of them on scooters, quickly showed up and were screaming, shocked at the site of their friends. I knew it was a bad situation that was only going to get worse.
I pushed my driver back towards the van and we left. He called the police on his mobile to report the accident (no one had called it in yet) and we headed to my hotel. He was visibly upset, and I could see him shaking. He started to pray and I put my hand on his shoulder and said nothing. He also said he was going to drive much slower, a point I was hardly going to argue over.
When all is said and done, two young professionals, enjoying a holiday with their buddies, lost their lives on that dark stretch of highway. My point? Stop taking life for granted and live it to its fullest.
After that great Thanksgiving dinner I told you about, I hired a taxi to take me from Baga Beach to my hotel in Tanjim. My driver was a very nice young guy who quickly zipped us off towards my destination. The taxi's in Goa include these very tiny little vans (think clown van), as well as the usual SUV and Auto-rickshaws. Many other tourists simply rent scooters or mopeds and drive themselves. As we were flying along the roads, he was playing me some Hindi music that had quite a beat to it. We were talking about random things and I was trying to find a seat belt. There were none. So I was sitting low, kind of hoping he'd slow down, but also aware that the roads were empty.
An SUV taxi overtook and passed us. He was clearly in a bigger hurry than we were. He continued on the right (wrong) side to pass some cows who were out for a late night jog. My driver said it's common to kind of "draft" off the cows because they usually just run straight and it's safer. We cleared the cows too, and I thought to myself "Those are some damned fit cows!"
About two minutes later I heard a very short screech and a load bang. I couldn't tell if it was in front or behind me, but I did notice we were stopping VERY quickly and that the SUV was now stopped in front of us. As we swerved around it, I looked to my left and saw a scooter down in front of the SUV and two guys laying on the ground. I told my driver to stop so I could see if I could help in anyway. My first aid and CPR skills are a bit rusty, but I figured they were better than nothing.
I jumped out and ran back and saw the driver of the scooter on the ground. He was wearing sunglasses and had on his cell phone ear piece. His right arm was raised above his head and he was clearly dead. The SUV driver was out and screaming about how they had been on the wrong side of the road and he had no chance. The scooter passenger was moaning, but not moving. Their friends, who'd been in front of them on scooters, quickly showed up and were screaming, shocked at the site of their friends. I knew it was a bad situation that was only going to get worse.
I pushed my driver back towards the van and we left. He called the police on his mobile to report the accident (no one had called it in yet) and we headed to my hotel. He was visibly upset, and I could see him shaking. He started to pray and I put my hand on his shoulder and said nothing. He also said he was going to drive much slower, a point I was hardly going to argue over.
When all is said and done, two young professionals, enjoying a holiday with their buddies, lost their lives on that dark stretch of highway. My point? Stop taking life for granted and live it to its fullest.
Friday, December 01, 2006
Thanksgving in Goa
I found myself away from home yet again on Thanksgiving. This makes it three of the last six years I've managed to be in another country, instead of at home with friends and family. Sorry mom, I promise to be home next year.
I did manage to share Thanksgiving with friends, although we had to settle on grilled lobster instead of the standard turkey and stuffing. The funny part of that story is the friends, Jeff & Danielle, live relatively close to me. Probably no more than 3 or 4 miles. Yet we never manage to get together, so we had to do it here - 9,000 miles away from DC! After arriving 4 hours late (never fly Air Deccan if you're in a hurry), we dined on lobster and ice cold Kingfisher beer. Good times. I had a horrible experience on the way back to my hotel, but that'll wait for another post.
If you read my Kolkata post, you may recall how everyone responded when I told them I was going to visit that city. Well Goa also elicits a response from everyone - only this time it's a positive one. Eyes light up and smiles spread. If they've been to Goa, they just say how amazing it is. If they haven't been there, they say how amazing they've heard it is. Now, this being India, my expectations are low. I'd heard how wonderful Pondicherry was, and I thought it generally sucked. But Goa was something entirely different.
Goa was a Portuguese colony from the 1500s until 1961, so it's very different from the rest of India. For one, it's very Catholic. It's also very clean, has good roads and absolutely stunning beaches. It also has beef! Goa also happens to have the highest average income in the country, so it's fairly prosperous. That wealth is due to two major industries: Agriculture and Tourism.
Although India is home to some 700 million people who scrape out a living farming, Goan farms produce expensive commodities like fruits and spices. The tourism industry here is also booming, with some beautiful, world class resorts and tons of smaller, less expensive hotels right off the beach.
I stayed at the Marriott in Panjim. I tried to book a room at one of the Taj resorts, but they were all booked out for the weekend. The hotel is very nice, with vivid colors, comfortable rooms and a really crummy casino. I did not gamble a dime but did walk through to check it out. The sign at the door said "Blackjack" but all I saw were slot machines. I make a point of never gambling outside of Vegas, so I kept my streak alive.
On Saturday I wanted to go see the sites. I asked the hotel about car services and the woman said I could only hire a car for 8 hours minimum for the about 2800 INR ($62). I walked 1 foot outside of the hotel gate and hired a mini van for 900 INR ($20). The driver was very friendly and a good tour guide.
First stop on my tour was Old Goa. It was the capitol of Goa for sometime, before being abandoned in the early 1800s. It's still home to some grand old churches, and also is the home of the remains of St. Francis of Xavier. I dropped by his crypt to say hello, but he's only brought out for viewing once every ten years. I don't think that is enough to get me back here, but who knows.
First stop on my tour was Old Goa. It was the capitol of Goa for sometime, before being abandoned in the early 1800s. It's still home to some grand old churches, and also is the home of the remains of St. Francis of Xavier. I dropped by his crypt to say hello, but he's only brought out for viewing once every ten years. I don't think that is enough to get me back here, but who knows.
If you are planning a trip to India, you'd be well advised to end it in Goa. It is the perfect place to recharge after the chaos that is India.
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